How Do I Tell My Friend I Don’t Want to Split The Bill?
This has happened to all of us. We go out with a friend or two (or fifteen), and at the end of the night the dreaded bill arrives. While we’re ordering we may not think too much about that final cost. After all, a salad and water won’t push the budget limits. However, while you may have been frugally ordering, the rest of your party used this as an opportunity to indulge in the last supper.
The bill arrives and the designated group accountant tells everyone they are splitting the $500 bill evenly. What? How did you end up with a $100 tab after only ordering salad and water? Well unfortunately you’ve become victim of a tactic that is growing increasingly common. By racking up a much smaller tab in the pursuit of frugality, you end up subsidizing the cost for others when the bill is split.
So what happens...
Unfortunate for those who choose to be more budget conscious, the art of Going Dutch seems to be fading. With more people using credit cards vs. cash to pay for their meals, it becomes a lot easier and more convenient to just split the bill evenly. Additionally, it’s also a lot easier on your waiter who doesn’t need a degree in advanced mathematics to figure out how much to put on every card. So you may be asking, how do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill? Below are some tactics you can use to avoid being hit with an outlandish bill at the end of the meal.
Tactic #1: Don’t go to places you can’t afford
Life is for living. You don’t want to miss out on your friends birthday. You really wanted to try that restaurant. There are a million reasons you want to go to that restaurant. However, if you cannot afford to order a mid-priced entree and drink at the restaurant, you likely can’t afford it. It’s okay to bow out of events if they’re not suitable to your lifestyle. Unfortunately, at the end of the night, splitting the bill may be inevitable, especially if you’re outvoted on the matter. This tactic is a bit after the fact, so consider it more a life lesson.
How do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill: Avoid the conversation entirely by staying out situations beyond my means.
Tactic #2: Make your expectations known upfront
Assuming you’re dining out with close friends or family, make your expectations known upfront. Let the person who organized the event know ahead of time that you are thrilled to be there but are not in a position to pay for beyond what you ordered. Telling your friend upfront you don’t want to split the bill is perfectly acceptable. If you are dining with a close group, they should understand the situation and be willing to compromise. However, if you are dining out with colleagues or maybe those who you are not so close with, this move may not put you in the best light. In this case, I would reference tactic #1 and decline the invitation.
How do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill: Make my expectations known upfront if I’m comfortable with the host-if not, revert to tactic #1.
Tactic #3: Be choiceful about your company
At some point we all get to know our friends well. We understand their spending habits and orders patterns. If you are going out with a friend/group that engages in spending habits that outdo yours, consider declining the invite or opting to meet them for drinks only later in the night. Surrounding yourself with big spenders may also encourage you subconsciously to spend more than your budget.
How do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill: Avoid dining out with expensive friend groups.
Tactic #4: Ask the waiter for a separate check
I recommend this move when you’re in a very large and casual gathering ONLY. For example, if you are meeting coworkers for a casual happy hour, discretely asking the waiter for a separate check for your items before you leave is acceptable. In this case you’re able to approach the waiter solo, list out your items, and pay your tab and tip separate of others without incurring their expenses. Happy hours can easily get out of control with several open tabs especially with large groups. This tactic also works well when you plan to make a sneaky early exit. You can always leave early before the bill comes, paying your fair share of course.
How do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill: Leave early and ask for a separate check.
Tactic #5: Bring cash
One of the hardest parts about going dutch in today’s world is that everyone tends to pay with their credit card making it difficult for the waiter to split fairly especially if it’s a large party. Cash, especially in smaller bills, makes it easier for you to pay your own way because you can pay in exact change.
How do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill: Pay in exact change with cash.
Tactic #6: Suggest using a budget calculator
If your party is up for it, you can always try a budget calculator. Budgeting apps like KittySplit allow you to enter in all the expenses, and split it among the party appropriately. It’s a little tedious and may cause some eye-rolling in large groups, but ultimately it’s the most fair and unbiased.
How do I tell my friend I don’t want to split the bill: Use a budget calculator the final bill
If all else fails, you always have the right to make your needs known. If you feel comfortable enough in your group to speak up then do so. However, I must warn you to choose your words carefully. Is paying the extra $50 worth potentially ruining your relationship with someone or potentially embarrassing yourself in front of an important group? Sometimes, it’s better to just “eat” the cost that one time and learn your lesson for the future.